Category: Blogspot

Stay Strong

For the past few months, I am struggling to write as much because I keep losing focus. I am constantly revising my drafts and putting them off to finish later because I fail to gather my thoughts together. Though, I ought to write this post especially, since we are facing these challenging times. Cultural stigmas are incessant battles, as those pertaining to their ethnicities face constant criticism from society. Reminiscing back to my early childhood which I spend in India, I remember how schools or even families never drew attention to this sensitive topic. On top of that, it’s very common to see parents insisting to their child that they’ll outgrow this temporary phase. There are so many adolescents who shut themselves off because they are unable to express what’s racing in their minds. Even in western society, it’s shaking to think that there is so much taboo surrounding the topic. We need to work towards a world where we value mental health and treat it the same way as physical health. That way everyone has somewhere to turn to when they need help. We all deserve some love.

My Alma matter (UNC Greensboro) took this picture when they were hosting the annual mental awareness month in September

Staying at home and being healthy seems like the optimal option during this pandemic, but social distancing comes with its own fallout. It’s normal to feel separated from the support and companionship of our friends and family. Even though some of us might be staying at home with our family, the reality of social isolation can trigger loneliness, sadness, and anxiety. It can be difficult to voice out for help when we live in a world craved by societal norms that dictate our every move and thoughts. We fail to realize the immense amount of pressure in presenting that ‘perfect’ person. To anyone out there who is going through a rough time, remind yourself that you are not alone because God is watching over you. Keep emphasizing to yourself that you are much stronger than your mental health and that you will grow out of this. Don’t be afraid to fully embrace the vulnerabilities, pain, and insecurities. Do not be petrified to speak your voice and break the glass ceilings that societies impose on us. It’s time we break that stigma by making our mental health a priority and advocate for a better support system. If any of you are going through a tough time coping with these unprecedented times, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I may not know each of you personally, but I will take the time to talk with you. It’s far better to express it all out to a stranger than let it fire in your mind.

Break the Silence

Just when we start adapting to the new life in a pandemic, it’s devastating to see the unjust killing of another black individual. My heart is heavy and mind is filled with rage, turmoil and sadness every time I hear about a death similar to George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and several others. This should not be the new ‘normal’ that we have to face. As a matter of humanity, I thought it’s important to come forward and address the systematic racism that continues to persist in the US history. It’s been a decade since we voted for a black president to symbolize the nation and its people. It’s been half a century since Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., fought hard against racial injustice. Even when we believe we have come far since then, we are proven wrong by these hate crimes, anti-immigrant rhetoric and white supremacy. I must admit there was a time when I was hesitant to share my thoughts on racism and injustice. But as Dr. King once said, “there comes a time when silence becomes betrayal”. My heart goes out to the entire black community who have been victims of racial injustice. I pray there comes a day where you are able to walk across the street without any fear of your lives being in jeopardy. I relentlessly pray the future generation would not have to watch history repeat itself again. I may not resonate with what you might be going through, but I unquestionably stand in solidarity with each one of you.

#blacklivesmatter

Dress for yourself

A few years ago, I perceived fashion to a term given what’s trendy out there and what’s attracts others the most. Most often, we care so much about fitting in with the crowd, but we forget to be ourselves. More than trying to adapt to the latest fashion trend, it’s more important to cultivate your own unique style that presents yourself to be confident and charismatic. Following the pop culture or certain fashion brands might help to draw inspiration, but one should be creative and dress based on their own comfortability. I love being creative and having my own style that allows me to express who I am and shape myself. A lot of people have told me my style has changed drastically and it probably has. There are things I am more comfortable wearing now that I would never wear when I was 17 years old. Back in high school, I often had to fight against feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. I often felt very down when I saw I could not meet up with the expectations of others on how I should dress and what they find attractive. Over the years, I learned to accept that I am the one who defines what makes me look good instead of going by others and what they find attractive. Even if this line of thought makes me look like a rebellion, all human acts are some sort of rebellious that requires real courage.

The actress, Helena Carter once quoted, “Everything in life is an art. What you do. The way you love someone and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you dress”. Indeed, fashion is one of the purest expressions of art because it is an art lived on a daily basis. Dressing for yourself is no easy task, but I can assure it’s very liberating when you start to care less and accept your body as it is. So, if you want to wear those baggy jeans with the oversized sweater, don’t let the external voices tell you it looks very tacky. It’s your look and you know what you’ll rock wearing.

Out in the Wilderness

Almost two years ago, my younger brother and I went on one of the most exhilarating trips to the Blue Ridge Mountains in Asheville. It was a 2-mile hike to the top of the summit with an exceptional panoramic view. The trail took us through tunnels of rhododendron, gnarled sweet birch trees, and wildflowers. It was foggy when we reached the top, blocking our view of the sunset. Even then, it felt so refreshing up there with the wind brushing against our face. There was a woman standing further out where she was dressed in her wedding gown, posing for her bridal photoshoot. She looked so angelic in her white gown and in the backdrop of the lush green mountains. The following day, we did a 3-mile roundabout trip to see the Glen Burney fall. This mountain trip is still my favorite hiking trip because it was my first hiking venture, and I had a great time bonding with my mom and brother.

Craggy Pinnacle

I go on hiking trips occasionally with friends around North Carolina and nearby states. My mom gets annoyed whenever I go hiking. It’s hard to describe to her how surreal it feels to be out there. I get so excited the day before a hike that I can’t even fall asleep. While strolling along the plains, you can’t help appreciate God’s creative work. He created such things in an orderly fashion like the birds chirping, the petrichor scent produced by the forest after a rain and the beauty of the lush meadow in the spring. It’s that nature God created for us which ignites our senses and the soul. It feels so empowering every time I set forth on a hike because it helps me regain my self-confidence. Every moment we spend in nature is an amazing opportunity to know more about ourselves and the world we live in. Being immersed in nature keeps you grounded in the present moment, so you can have both mental and emotional clarity. I am more self-aware about my surroundings and movements like how I’m moving my feet, the weight on my back, and the feeling of truly being alive. Living in a pressured society, it is a common human intrinsic to feel judged upon all the time. In fact, nature teaches us to be authentic and to be our natural self by being alone with yourself in a non-judgmental atmosphere.

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During one February when I was hiking with my friends at the McKnobb Mountain in Virginia, I forgot to bring my gloves. When we reached the top, it was brutally windy and around 20 Fahrenheit at that high elevation. I tried to keep my hands in the pocket of my jacket, but that wasn’t much help. After a while, my hands felt so numb and they were really swollen. Another woman standing off to the side came up to me and gave me her extra pair of gloves. I ate few wraps we had and drank tons of water to keep myself warm. As we started descending down, I felt better and my hands stopped swelling. Another time when we were hiking Stone Mountain, it took us about six hours to complete the hike in the grueling heat. When we climbed back down, we stopped for a water break by a water pump. Living in the western world, we sometimes neglect to enjoy the small luxuries in life like witnessing a sunrise or sunset, being able to stay warm, having adequate water, and being able to sit down for a meal with your family.  

To be honest, it’s been quite a while since I went on a hike. I have been eager to use the hiking boots my brother gifted me for Christmas. In the past few months, I have been occupied to accomplish things that are required for graduate school. Even when my life gets busier and I start a family, I hope I’ll still be able to lace up my boots, load up my backpack and go on an adventure. Despite all the challenges that come along with hiking and long treks, I am so determined to see what kind of trails I come across and the things they will offer me.

When the storm came

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I remember how much I enjoyed my summer vacations in Kerala during the monsoon season, but it seems now it has led to the loss of hundreds of people and their livelihoods. Water levels were already high in mid-June. In a span of just two weeks, Kerala is going through its worst flood crisis in a century. Most of our neighbors have evacuated from their flooded homes to relief camps. Every day people are posting pictures of demolished homes, people being airlifted from rooftops, and kids crying as they watch their parents’ corpse floating away. Several people are still trapped under fallen down homes and buildings caused by the landslides. It’s so heartbreaking to see the land where I was born to get washed away like that.

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Even despite this crisis, what’s really heartwarming is how much this is bringing other people together. Kerala used to be in a state where men were not allowed to sit with women in buses, mosques were segregated, political groups were protesting against each other, differences between other religions, races and the rich and poor were uprising. For the past week, fishermen are willing to lend their boats to rescue people. Celebrities and other people are coming forward to help in relief camps. My mom yesterday shared with me a video of a group of kids in the camps eating together from one plate. If only people don’t lean towards empathy and being communal only when a disaster like this happens, the world would be a better place. There is nothing more important for our survival than how we treat each other. We need to train our brains to work on treating each other with respect and compassion.

New York Trip 2018

It’s been more than a month since my last trip to New York, I still haven’t gotten a chance to talk about my experience. I still can’t get it out of my mind those amazing few days. It was just my younger brother, my mom and myself–We been talking for months to pay my older brother and his wife a long due visit. I don’t even know where to start. It was really one of the most satisfying, exhilarating trip I had experienced in a long time with my family. I miss the days when my family used to go on long road trips. We used to tell stories, crack jokes, play games. This trip was just like the old ones. It was so good seeing my family all together after a long time.

My brother has been living here for almost two years and he always talks about how much he loves the city. Back when we first moved to the US, we initially settled in a place close to NYC. We lived in a small apartment, went to a catholic school, had few friends in the neighborhood we would hang out with, and my parents went to work while we went to school. We had a very mundane life. We had few family friends in New York, so we made frequent trips. Even though we visited New York many times before, this trip was like no other. It was so special in a way that we got the chance to see New York how the locals here see it.

Day 1

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On our first day, we took a walk around Jersey city in the evening. The view of the Manhattan skyline from the waterfront was absolute gorgeous. The temperature was very pleasant as well. There were a group of people doing yoga. It was a sight to watch with the soothing music and the beautiful waterfront in the backdrop.

FullSizeRender-1The next morning, we started our day early to explore the neighborhood of SoHo in Manhattan. With the vast number of boutiques, restaurants and cafes in each corner of this place, it was so hard to to pick which one to take a look at. We stopped at few boutique to get a glimpse of what the city has to offer. There were so many people selling drawings, sculptures, jewelry, clothing everywhere we look. For fashion and art buffs like myself, SoHo was literally the place to explore. In the obscure streets, cobblestone pathways, between the high brick buildings with cast iron fire escape, you feel like you traveled back to the retro time.

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We passed by Washington Square Park and grabbed a good spot by the fountain. We spent there for almost 30 minutes just catching up on old things and people watching. There were lot of local vendors selling ice cream and smoothies on the side of the road. There was a group of bangara dancers ready to perform in the center. The park wasn’t too busy even though it was a Saturday. It felt nice being outside, the weather wasn’t too hot either. What caught most of our attention was an unusually small-sized man painted in white posing before the arch. His detailed presentation was quite impressive– the stony texture of his skin, weathered look and his head covered with an off white head scarf.

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We stopped at a nice Chinese restaurant for lunch. It was my first time trying western Chinese cuisine. We ordered Biang Noodle Soup and lamb dumplings for all of us. Our noodles came in a bowl with a variety of meat like pork, lamb and beef. It looked something close to bibimbap. It had the fiery red color, but the spices were well balanced. The noodles were chewy and the broth was so amazing.

May the lives remembered, the deeds recognized, and the spirit reawakened be eternal beacons, which reaffirm respect for life, strengthen our resolve to preserve freedom, and inspire an end to hatred, ignorance and intolerance.

After a nice lunch, we quietly walked around the south memorial pool to the oculus. We were still back in India at the time of the 9/11 attack. I remember watching the horrific news on TV, but I never felt the magnitude and the despair of those families who just lost their loved ones. A family right next to us was very emotional as they were looking at the name of their relative and putting roses by that name. The fountain is so simple yet powerful in a way that gives us hope. The oculus was so beautiful, and had a unique design spoke of promise and lightness. I loved the inside of the place more than the outside. It was around dusk when we got on the ferry. The view of the sunset was so pretty from the boat. The sky was colored in crimson gold as the sun was shining past the liberty statue.

Day 2

After morning mass, we went down to East Williamsburg to have brunch. It was a quaint, cozy brunch place in Brooklyn. Even though the line was long, it was so worth waiting. The pancakes were so delicious since they were made from scratch. We were fueled with enough energy for the day. We then took a Uber ride to Brooklyn bridge. During the ride, we got a chance to see inside of a Jewish Community. I wasn’t aware that NYC had a large Jewish community until then. There were buses and schools specifically for Jews. The women were very modest and most of them wore black. They wore pass knee length skirts along with a overcoat and a hat. There were men dressed in black and with long sideburns walking down the street. I thought the community was really far conservative compared to everything we have seen so far in New York.

As we came by the Brooklyn Bridge, we passed a bazaar underneath the Manhattan Bridge’s archway. The vibe was totally something you would feel in a middle eastern country. It had everything from modern antiques, vintage clothing to food from around the world. After spending a moderate amount of time in the market area, we headed towards the bridge. I was very surprised to find how narrow the pedestrian walkway was on the bridge. There were lot of speedy bikes zooming past us. I almost crashed into a biker because I was on the wrong side. It was quite windy up there, but it still felt really nice. The view of the manhattan skyline from the bridge was so admiring.

           

After walking across the bridge, we headed to Chinatown for lunch. After a classic Chinese meal with lots of dim sums, we went searching for a place to get ourselves a massage. The dense crowds in the street did make me feel a little overwhelmed, but I really enjoyed the vibe of this street. It was around evening and there were those red Chinese lantern balls lightened up everywhere. We finally found a place where they were doing massages for reasonable prices. I went for a foot massage but there was a miscommunication due to the language barrier. It was somewhat frustrating trying to make them understand what I wanted. In the end, it all worked out and we all had something to laugh about. 🙂 Afterwards, we went for somewhere nearby to get ice cream. Even through this traditional Thai ice cream (nitrogen ice cream) has been making waves in Instagram and has become a phenomena in the US, it was my first time seeing how they actually make it. For anyone who visits chinatown whether you come alone or with your family, there is something for everyone who comes here to enjoy a little piece of China in New York City. For the rest of our week there, we mostly spent time shopping in fifth avenue, going out to eat and watching Netflix at home. I was really hoping to walk around Central park, but we were all too tired from the previous days. And we thought it’ll be nice to save something to see next time we come here.

This trip was really worth remembering and gave us a chance to look into a city that breathes its own history and culture. One of my favorite part about this trip was our long mile walks and riding the subway. It was really a different way of traveling and the best way to explore this phenomenal city. There is so much to see in each corner. In the midst of standing next to the big skyscrapers and buildings, you really do feel small in this big world. I often wonder why people move to this city. People from all walks of life come to New York to find a job, build a family and come here to discover themselves. I think it can be overwhelming sometimes, but I don’t think it’ll be any adventures living somewhere you have no challenges. It forces you to think faster and make better decisions. I am amazed at the fact how much I love New York than when I was a little child. Back in 4th grade, I hated living in New York mainly because of the crowd, lonely feeling and living here in a small apartment, but there is a beauty behind all of that. In any corner of the city, you will come upon many people working in streets, restaurants, cafes and shops to make a living. Everyone has a different style and personality and no one is judging each other. There is a huge, diverse population living here and they are all just minding their own business. At first I thought people living here do not smile very much. It’s probably because I was here for a visit and everywhere I look around, no one is smiling and they are all in a rush going somewhere. They are rushing to catch the subway to get to their job or hurrying home to make dinner for the family. If you think about it, who has the time to smile in between all that. I think if I move to the city in the future, it will make me more resilient and grow into a stronger woman.

Sleeping at Last

You smile a lot. It’s something I get a lot from people. My friends joke that I am happy even when I shouldn’t be. Smiling is probably the most beautiful remedies that exists in this world. We often fail to notice the power of touch, kindness, smile that could possibly turn a life around. People who are very close to me know that I am a person who loves to smile and laugh a lot in life. Comedy was probably one of the relief that life brought me during my dark days. Back when I was in high school, I used to go to school everyday for five days a week then come back home and lay in bed for next two days. I used to live each day as if I was dying, ridden with anxiety. It’s merely not possible to forget some things or people from our past, but it is possible how we perceive what has already happened to us. Our eyes will take some time to adjust to the overwhelming light surrounding us, but there always lies some certainty within the shortness of breath. We come across lot of other people with different stories far from ours. People who have gone through far more worse times than us, making us grateful that we are still alive even after everything we have been through. With time, we will come to realize just how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist.

I used to feel like I lived in a world where people are afraid to feel anything genuine. I used to let the negatives control my mind and allow them to control my life. I thought the world is out to get me. I looked at everything the wrong way and I really learned this the hard way. I used to lie in bed and just stare at the ceiling in the dark room. There were so many nights I had to cry myself to sleep, thinking about the things that would keep me awake all night. But I don’t want to ever be that 17 year old teenager who had some broken dreams and hopes. Nowadays, I would laugh away my worries and be happy even when life has other plans for me. It was one night during finals week last semester, I was alone in my room studying for my exam. I was so stressed out I didn’t know what to do with myself. I then put on my headphones and just started dancing to some peppy music. I could have broke down crying then, but I thought of something funny instead and laughed hysterically. If someone entered my room at that time, they would probably think I have gone insane.  I still go through some days feeling melancholy and unexplained sadness, but I have learned to overcome it. I chose to surround myself with positive people and laugh whenever I can. I think that’s why my life has turned out as good as it has over the past few years.

Doubt of life

Sitting in front of the fire, wrapped around in warm blankets. Feeling peaceful by the stillness of the azure sea. Even when thousands of diamonds are beside, the moon seems to be in solitude. It’s silver light dazzles over the blue water. Hearing the silent cracks from the fire, my mind ponders upon such doubts. Why does the moon always stay up in the sky. Why does the sun sets and rises the next day. Why do people cry even when they are happy? Why does some people no longer exists in our life. Why does it seems those stars are smiling at us. If we had all the answers to these, would we cease to live?