Last semester, a conversation with one of my friends about ‘The Lion King’ made me watch the movie again. It is really interesting we find ourselves going back to lot of things we used to do when we were kids. When I was a kid, I never appreciated my cousins and family back in India. Little did I know what I was leaving behind when my family came to the US. Now when I go back and visit them, I find myself more fond of them than when I was a child. I remember back when my brothers and I came back from school, my mom always prepared something for us to eat, and she would feed us one by one.

It was few weeks ago, I was working on a assignment I saw a group of kids playing together outside in the playground. They were playing broomstick, one boy being chased after the other three kids. There was a another group of kids jumping in the puddle. I was able to hear their laughter from all the way inside. I was surprised at myself how amused I was watching them play there. They laugh till dawn and let the fire within them rage. They see kindness in the world and live with soft hearts. They carry hope in their hearts, innocence in their eyes and lots of playfulness in themselves. From having the most bizarre imagination, laughing when they are cheerful, crying hard when they are sad, there is no one else that is honest as themselves.

Little seeds

Childhood is always something special we hold onto part of our life. No matter how old we are, we never forget our childhood. I remember when I was a 5 year old how much I wanted to grow up to be a adult. I was tired of my parents treating me as a little girl. As a 20 year old, I have seen how much shades of dark lie within this world. We are disillusioned with the way the world treat us sometimes. From violence, hatred, selfishness and insensitivity. We wish to go back when we were kids. The days filled with pure innocence and laughter makes us nostalgic. But as we grow older we start to see life can be beautiful and in fact it can come out of the strangest places. It’s the passion that arises in the corner of the eye as night befalls. It’s laughing hilariously at the simplest things. Admiring a baby falling asleep in your arms. The evoke of emotion we feel when me meet someone so close to us after a long time. Forgetting to say goodbye with hopes you will see them again. Laying on the ground at night and just gazing into the starry sky. Relaxing under the clouds, feeling the soft summer breeze, watching the leaves move and the clouds transform into different shapes. Learning to move on from our past. And most of all, self discovering, even if that takes a whole life time to know what we truly seek in life. It’s something I am patiently waiting for it to happen.

I am letting life take course on it’s own instead of steering the wheel in the other direction. There was a time I used to wish things were the way they were when I was a child. But I am learning to just let things the way they are and let them align with my life right now. I am learning it’s alright to not have the answers to everything and it’s alright to be anxious about growing up. As kids, we wanted to grow up so badly to experience the complexity of life. It took me few heartbreaks, toxic people, struggles, anxiety for me to realize growing up is nothing like what I imagined from childhood and life can be really chaotic sometimes. In spite of all the madness, life can still be beautiful. Some amazing realizations emerge during these times of struggle. We learn to stop holding onto those who distance farther away from us. We learn to stop worrying what others think about us because we are unique in our own way. We learn what’s truly important and to let the rest go.

Innocence

Time comes and time goes, but the world stays just the same. The river that is born from the rain flows into the sea. The waterfall on the other side of the ravine is frozen. The stars dance in the astral sky, flickering. A chill embraces the girl, reminding her of the days filled with innocence. Day turns to day, her heart grows cold. Eventually as time pass, the clouds walk down with her and fire is pushed inside her. She realizes she has to grow much too wise for her tender years.